Healing Trauma with Imago Therapy

Trauma is an emotional response following any distressing event like abuse, violence or a natural disaster. Sufferers develop emotional issues like PTSD, anxiety, depression, guilt, sadness and anger. There has been a lot of research on developing healthy ways to cope with trauma. Imago Therapy helps to heal trauma, depression, anxiety, PTSD & many psychological problems by creating a precious experience with the significant other as well as the therapist.

The Neurobiology of Trauma

Exposure to trauma has a direct effect on our sympathetic nervous systems SNS-the part of our bodies designed to protect us from a perceived threat by activating our fight or flight response. The SNS is wired for survival. The autonomic stress response is triggered similarly by both physical and emotional pain. Individuals who continually perceive danger in their environment will elicit a constant autonomic response of alertness, which range from a state of vigilance to terror. 

The Brain and Trauma

The specific impact of stress and emotional trauma on the brain is complex.  When we get triggered, although there may not be a saber-toothed tiger or life-threatening situation lurking, we think there is. We react to that fear or threat as if our lives are in danger. Our perceptions are usually worst-case scenarios that our brain makes up in an effort to make sense of what is happening in our bodies. 

These stories play out so fast in our minds, it’s like an accelerator of a car stuck to the floor, and the traumatic event that we have experienced in the past feels like it’s happening all over again—in that exact moment.

Our stories in-and-of-themselves are self-triggering. When we don’t challenge those stories, sometimes we react to the distress by lashing out with f-bombs, talking down and being disrespectful. If we are married or in a committed relationship, these behaviors are very likely to trigger our spouse/partner. Similarly, our spouse/partner is very likely responding in a way that triggers us. This trigger-upon-trigger situation is extremely common in marriages and committed relationships. The term for this is co-triggering.

The Brain, Triggering & Disconnection

When we feel triggered, we are certain our partner is doing it intentionally; they are pushing our “buttons” on purpose. The tendency to get triggered and co-triggered comes from our deep wiring for survival. Below our conscious mind are what’s called neural circuits. Neural circuits are like little private investigators that are constantly detecting what our partner is doing (or not doing) through their nonverbal cues like facial expressions, tone of voice, eye-movements, gestures, body language, etc.

We may or may not be consciously aware of these cues, but our mirror neuron system (the little private investigator) is always watching … scanning the environment … and transmits this information about what your partner is doing directly into your own body. So, if your partner is triggered, you will soon feel triggered—and vice versa. Underneath our triggers are wounds and unmet needs. When wounds are triggered, we experience disconnection.  

Shifting from Reactivity to Connection

As Imago therapists, we are aware that most wounds that clients bring to therapy are a break, or a rupture, in connection. When partners are co- triggering each other, this rupture is evident by the verbal jabbing–the name-calling, criticism, defensiveness, shaming and belittling. Partners may react to the disconnection by freezing, withdrawing, shutting down, complying, trying to make nice, denial etc. Others react by getting angry, hostile, lashing out pursing, verbal assaults, screaming and yelling. Although they play out differently, both of these reactions are disconnecting because neither allows real intimacy to emerge.   

Imago Therapy aims to break the cycle co-triggering by facilitating connection between partners. As Imago therapists, we create a safe space for authenticity, helping couples move beyond their entrenched roles of “emoter” or “stoic.” We teach couples skills such as mirroring, where partners practice listening and speaking without becoming reactive. This helps couples rediscover the ability to enjoy each other’s company and build emotional connections.

A key aspect of Imago Therapy is teaching couples to manage their emotional reactivity. By understanding the underlying wounds and unmet needs behind their triggers, partners can learn to respond more compassionately to each other. The therapy also involves homework assignments to strengthen the couple’s bond outside of sessions.

The benefits of Imago Therapy extend beyond the couple. Creating a healing environment at home positively impacts children and future generations. Couples learn valuable conflict management skills and develop the confidence to continue growing together.

In essence, Imago Therapy transforms the relationship itself into a vehicle for healing trauma. By involving both partners in the recovery process, we help create a supportive environment where individuals can address their psychological issues while simultaneously strengthening their relationship. This approach not only helps in healing past traumas but also equips couples with the skills to navigate future challenges together. 

We are born in relationship. We are wounded in relationships. And we heal in relationship. 

Begin your Imago journey by joining us for one of our Getting the Love You Want weekend workshops or a 1-2 day private intensive.

Blessings on your relational journey, 

Yael & Paula